Terrified Heart
by Loves Bitch1
Summary: A reply to a challenge about Willow wanting a Kiss for tutoring Cordy.


TITLE: Terrified Heart   
AUTHOR: Marie (Lovesbitch)   
E-MAIL: Lovesbitch84@yahoo.com   
FEEDBACK: Please, please, please   
DISTRIBUTION: Please email me with a link   
SPOILERS: None   
CONTENT: Willow/Cordelia   
RATING: PG   
DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have any rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I am only a fan 

Author's Note: This is a answer to a challenge on the Buffy UC Fanfic thread at fanforum posted by Leta about Willow asking Cordelia for a kiss as payment for tutoring her. 

"Breath," I whispered to myself as I paced across the dining room. The same thoughts were running through my head I had every week. I could handle this. I mean, it's not like I had never done this before. This happened every week. She walked though those two doors as if she owned the place and sat in the same chair. I'd help her with whatever subject she was failing that week and then she'd leave. And I'd go take a cold shower. 

"Honey, what's the matter?" My farther asked, as he and my mother walked into the room. 

"Nothing," I lied. Nothing, but the fact that my obsession was about to walk threw those doors and into my house. I didn't know how I did this every week but I can't tell them, or anyone, about that because I'm a girl and she's a girl and they wouldn't understand. 

"You sure, you look a little pale," my mother pointed out, slipping her hand under my chine, forcing me to look her in the eye as she studied my face. Of course I look this way, I was about to sit next to the love of my young life and she would be talking to me, just me. 

"I'm fine," I lied again, letting my eyes drift to the door. She was supposed to be here ten minutes ago. It wasn't like I was surprised, she was always late. 

"Well, your farther and I are going out to dinner," my mother informed me as her hands dropped from my face. I couldn't believe this was happening. I could not be in a empty house with her. I could barely stand being that close to her with my mother sitting down the table doing her bills. 

"But I'm tutoring tonight," I said, desperately, chanting the same words over and over again in my mind. Please stay, please stay, please stay. 

"We know. We trust you, Willow. I mean, it's not like your having a boy over," my farther laughed, taking his keys off the table. God, if they only knew. 

"We're catching a late movie afterwards so don't wait up,' my mother smiled as they walked out the door. This was not happening. 

"I can not handle this," I moaned, falling into my usual chair. I had to call her, give her some excuse to cancel tonight.. I was sick. I was having a horrible headache. I had some bad shrimp. Anything. 

"Can't handle what?" her sweet voice questioned as she breezed into the dinning room and falls casually into the seat next next to me. God, it was to late. Damnit, how was I supposed to answer this? I couldn't tell her the truth. That would go over real well. Oh, just the fact that being in a empty house with you, my secret love, is to much to physically bear so can we reschedule? 

"I have three tests tomorrow," I lied. I'm good at lying, as much I hate to admit it. Nobody ever doubts me, sweet, innocent Willow. They just can't believe I could do anything wrong. But there's a lot they don't know about me, like the fact I'm in love with Cordelia Chase. 

"Ick. Anyway, I have this horrible test tomorrow for Sci-Fi Lit.," Cordelia said, as she put a paperback book and folder onto the table in front of us. I noted the doodles across the blue cover of the folder along with several phone numbers that probably belonged to some senior guys. Of course, there were no hearts or "I love so-and-so" to be found. She probably found it to babyish, something you do in Jr. High. 

"You read it?" I asked, picking up the paperback. I doubted she actually read it, she never reads. But the more she knew about the book, the faster this night would be over. 

"Like have time to," Cordelia said, checking her make-up in a small mirror. She didn't have to, she looked beautiful. She always did. But I couldn't tell her that. 

"Do you even know the title?" I questioned, praying she did. I liked to keep faith in her, she could be a better student. And I'm not just saying that because she makes my heart skip a beat with every breath she takes. 

"Of course I do. The Hero and the Crown," Cordelia answered, almost smugly. Ok, that was a start. 

"And who wrote it?" I asked. She closed her eyes to think. She always does that when she searching for an answer. Her light purple eyeshadow sparkled in the light. She must have a hundred different colors because I have never seen her wear the same shade twice. And each one looks like it was made especially for her. 

"Ok, I don't know that," she said, opening her eyes and I snapped mine away before she realize I was staring at her. 

"Robin McKinly. Honestly, you should really try to read the book. It would make the test much easier," I said, throwing the book back onto her folder. I love her, I really do but sometimes I don't know why. Make that most of the time. 

"I have a study guide. Besides, it's just over the characters. We'll read a few pages and get the general idea," Cordelia said, fishing out a paper from her folder. Her nails matched her outfit and the polish was perfect, not a chip. 

"Why did you even take Sci-fi Lit? You hate reading," I asked, as I picked the book and leafed through it. I wasn't actually reading but it kept my eyes off her. But I could still smell her perfume, a soft vanilla scent that seemed to dance around my head. 

"Well, I waited to long to turn in my schedule and my only two choices for first hour was either this or woodshop. And I mean, have you seen those horrible goggles and apron they have to wear?" She said, and I laughed. I could picture Cordelia explaining to the teacher that she couldn't possible sand that block of wood because she had just had her nails done. 

"What's the first name on the list?" I asked, putting the book back down on the table. The sooner we got this started the sooner we got done. 

"Aerin. I think I saw something about her on the back of the book," Cordelia said, reaching for the book. Her bare arm brushed against my skin and I had to fight every urge in my body not to let a moan slip from my lips. 

"She's the main character," I spat out, and Cordelia pulled her arm back. I let a small breath of relief escape my lips. 

"Her farther was the king and her, according to the legend, was a witch who put a spell over the king to make him fall in love with her. When she saw that she had bore him a daughter instead of a son, who would have been made king, she died of despair," I babbled. Her touch had almost sent me over the edge. If I was talking about the characters in the book, I wasn't thinking about her beautiful, read lips and how much I wanted to taste them. 

"You read the book?" she asked, as she scribbled my words down onto the paper. 

"Yeah, I took Sci-fi Lit. last year," I said. I prayed the hurt in my voice didn't show. I had mentioned I had taken the course when I had read over her schedule at the beginning of the term. I hadn't expected her to remember such a trivial thing. There were the things that I remembered. 

"Who was Galanna?" Cordelia asked without looking up from the paper. Her hair really was amazing, the perfect color and just the right amount of shine. I had dreamed of touching it, feeling it's silky touch against my skin. 

"Galanna was Aerin's cousin. She was five years older, I think, and she hated Aerin," I answered. I had to think about the book. I had to keep my mind busy with schoolwork and off of her. 

"Why?" Cordelia asked, looking up. As she did, a small strip of her hair fell across her face. I almost reached up and brushed it away. Nothing should cover her beautiful face. 

"Because of Aerin's mother, most of her family and fellow nobles shared her feelings, but he also because of Tor. She wanted to marry him but he was in love with Aerin," I explained. I forced my eyes to her paper. 

"Tor," she read off. 

"He would become king, he was in love Aerin and the reason Galanna hated Aerin, like I said before. Also he was about nine years older than Aerin and they eventually got married and she became Queen. He was also her cousin," I remembered. I sighed when I noticed this was the last name on the sheet that hadn't already been filled in. 

"Why did she marry her cousin?" Cordelia asked, putting her paper back into her folder and I let myself relax slightly. 

"In this time and age it wasn't unusual for nobles to marry there cousins. They believed it kept the bloodline clean," I said as I handed her the book back. Her fingers softly brushed against mine and I closed my eyes. The night was almost over. I could make it. 

"I just say it's gross. Anyway, we went over the rest of the characters in class today. I kinda feel asleep for these three. I had a really hot date last night and I got in way to late. I would love to stay or chat or whatever but I have cheerleading practice first thing in the morning," Cordelia said, standing up and walking towards the door. Cold shower, here I come. 

"Bye," I said, waiting for her to slip out the door. 

"Same time next week?" she asked, hand on doorknob. 

"Of course," I answer, forcing a smile. God, why did she have to ask that. I mean, she already knew the answer. Can't she just go? 

"Cool. I mean, I really appreciate this whole tutoring thing. I would so fail without you," Cordelia said, smiling, She really was beautiful when she smiled. And that smile was meant for me alone. Her hand turned around the knob and in seconds she would be gone. 

"Cordelia, wait," I said, and her hand feel back to her side and she turned to face me, waiting for whatever I had to say. God, what am I doing? Let her go! 

"I have to ask you about something," the words seemed to slip from my lips as if they had a life of their own. I can't believe I am doing this. 

"Sure," Cordelia said. 

"It's about this tutoring thing," I answered. Breath. 

"God, don't tell me you want to stop? I told you I would fail without you!" she said, fear in her voice. And the sick thing is, I liked it. She looks so cute when she's nervous and she needed me. Even if it was just for grades. At least that's something. 

"No, of course not," I reassured her and she put a hand to her chest in relief. I would never end these sessions of my own free will. As much as they terrify me, I cherish every moment I have with her. 

"Then what?" she asked, confused. God, what am I doing? 

"Well, I've been helping you for awhile and I think I deserve something in returned," I said, almost slowly. I am not doing this! 

"Oh, you want a fee. I guess you've earned it. I think I have a fifty on me," she said, digging through her purse. Just take the money and let her leave. 

"I don't want money," I said before I could stop myself. Dear God, I am not doing this. Damnit, it's to late to stop this. Just let me curl up and die. 

"Then what do you want?" Cordelia asked, looking up from her purse. Oh, what the hell. It's now or never. 

"A kiss," I answered, and I waited for her to laugh or walk out the door but she just tipped her head to the side and looked into my eyes. 

"One kiss?" she asked, as if she was actually considering it. The words seemed to catch in my throat and I could just nod like the dork I am. 

"And nobody finds out?" she asked, and all I could do is nod some more. She can not really be thinking about this. 

"All right," she nods, throwing her purse and bag onto the end table. I sat there in shock, not believing this was actually happening. This has to be a dream. 

"Come here," she said, motioning for me to join her. Somehow I managed to get my legs to work. I was sure my heart was going to burst from the rate it was pounding. 

I stood in front of her and I was sure what to do. I was still waiting for her to break into laughter and run out the door to tell her friends. Of course, the story would change and I would have asked to sleep with me instead of a harmless kiss. 

"Open mouth is ok but no tongue," she said, and I nodded. I'd given up all hope of talking at this point. I still didn't believe she could be serious. 

But then she pressed her lips against mine and in that moment my dreams became a reality. 

She tasted better than I could have ever imagine and her lips were so soft. Her mouth opened slightly and I followed he lead and did the same. And I waited. Waited for her to pull away and walk out that door. Waited for me to wake up from this dream. Waited for anything to happen to end this moment of Heaven. 

Our lips were the only thing touching, not like I minded. It was much more than enough. Then her hand brushed across my check sending chills down my spine. It progressed to comb itself through my hair and I moaned into her lips. She didn't seem to mind. 

I let my arms warp around her waist and pull her body against mine before I could stop myself. I was horrified she would break away but she just moaned in agreement. And then her tongue was in my mouth playing with mine. 

I'm not sure how long we went on like that but we finally broke away for much needed air. We stood that was, panting in each others arms, for several minutes. Finally, I found my voice again. 

"I thought you said no tongue," I said. I know, it was the smoothest thing to say but my brain seemed to have shut down at this point. If you asked me what we had been discussing fifteen minute earlier I couldn't have given you a answer. 

"I changed my mind," she said, with a smile. That was my smile. And then I dropped my arms from her waist and she pulled her fingers out of my hair. She picked up her things and turned to go. 

"See you next week," I said, sending up a silent prayer she would come again. I didn't doubt that things between the two of us would be different after this. 

"Of course," she said and opened the door. I started to walk up the stairs when she called my name. 

"I decided you deserve a weekly payment for these tutoring sessions. And this payment, it worked good for me." she said, smiling up at me and I nodded. And then she was gone and I was lone and in desperate need of cold shower. 

The End   
  



End file.
